


what must we do to restore our innocence

by maraudering



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-05
Updated: 2012-12-05
Packaged: 2017-11-20 09:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/583590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maraudering/pseuds/maraudering
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amy and Rory turned at the sound of her voice, leaping out of their seats when they noticed the gun in her hand.  The Doctor rose too, slow and calm.<br/>“River, what are you doing with that?” Rory asked shakily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what must we do to restore our innocence

Amy smiled as she unlocked the door, River’s singing floating down the corridor toward them. Rory heaved their bags inside behind her as she ducked into the kitchen.

“Hello, Pond!” the Doctor called brightly from the table. A newspaper was spread across his knees, and he tutted at whatever he was reading.

Rory followed Amy in and jumped at the presence of the Doctor. “I don’t remember approving a sleepover, River.”

“Well, I just popped over,” he said with a smile. “Looking for you two, actually.”

“And that’s why River’s wearing your shirt?”

River rolled her eyes. “I’ve got pants on, don’t worry. Hello to you too.”

“How was your trip?” the Doctor said as Amy sat down on the opposite side of the table.

She sighed. “Brilliant. Exhausting.”

“No alien invasions, though,” Rory added. “That was a plus.”

“Oh Dad, that’s the best part,” River laughed.

The Doctor grinned and nodded in agreement.

“For other aliens,” Rory retorted, causing both to chuckle. “What are you making?”

“Biscuits!” River announced proudly. “Chocolate chip. I was hoping they’d be ready by the time you got home, but . . .”

Rory frowned at the Doctor.

“Oi, she slept in, thank you very much!” the Doctor said, holding his hands up defensively. “Not my fault.”

“Well,” River said, raising her eyebrows.

He blushed. “River!”

She laughed until Rory turned his glare on her as well.

“Tea, Dad?” she asked with a smirk. Rory nodded and Amy sent her a smile that begged for a cup of her own.

“Me too, dear, thanks,” the Doctor said as he started flipping through the newspaper again.

“You can get your own,” River said. “I’m not your wife.”

The Doctor looked up and smiled at the expressions on Amy and Rory’s faces. “She’s fun young, isn’t she? Hasn’t even finished her bachelor at university yet.”

He bounced out of his seat and leaned against the counter beside River. She frowned as she reached up to pull some mugs from a cupboard.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

“Just a headache, sweetie.” She smiled at him. “You know nothing my parents have will help.”

“The TARDIS will have something.”

River shook her head. “It’s fine, Doctor. I’ve been through worse things than a headache.”

“I suppose you have,” he muttered as he poured milk in each mug. His eyes followed her as she carried two of the mugs over to the table. She rolled her eyes at Rory’s disapproving stare.

“Fine, I’ll change out of the shirt,” she sighed, heading for the stairs.

“Is she really still in university?” Amy asked when the Doctor slid back into his seat.

“Yes, Pond. She has no idea what’s waiting for her.”

“But you’re all back to front, Doctor,” Rory said. “Does this mean . . .?”

“Well, I’m the one who has to worry about spoilers now.”

His eyes dropped to the table. In that moment, they knew the answer to Rory’s question. The Doctor was running out of days with River. A sudden weight was pressing down on his shoulders, the echo of a constantly suppressed pain flickering in his gaze.

Then it was gone, replaced by the promise of adventure that usually accompanied the Doctor.

“My timeline has always been a bit wobbly compared to hers, though,” he said. “We’re a bit all over the place. She keeps me on my toes.”

“I certainly do that, don’t I, sweetie?”

Amy and Rory turned at the sound of her voice, leaping out of their seats when they noticed the gun in her hand. The Doctor rose too, slow and calm.

“River, what are you doing with that?” Rory asked shakily.

She took two measured steps into the room, eyes and gun locked on the Doctor. “You know, sweetie. You understand what they did to me. Don’t you?”

“Listen to me, River,” the Doctor said before Amy or Rory could ask questions. “You don’t have to do this. I can help you.”

“Help me? There’s nothing to fix, Doctor. This is the way I am.”

“No, River, you have to remember. Berlin. You have to remember Berlin.”

“A stupid mistake. I should have left you to die. That’s what they told me.”

“You’re better than this! You can be more than just a pawn in their games.”

“I tried fighting them. I can’t. They’re too strong, and it hurts. It hurts to disobey.” She held one hand to the side of her head, a tear escaping from the corner of her eye. “It hurts so much, Doctor.”

The Doctor took a step toward her, but she retreated. Her gun still hung menacingly between them. “I know, River. I’m so sorry. But I can help. I know I haven’t been there the last few times. Trust me, River. I can help you.”

“No!” she screamed. “Please, stop it. It’s getting worse, Doctor, stop it!”

The gun fell from her fingers, both hands tangled in her hair. “They’re getting so loud, Doctor, can’t you hear them? They won’t go away and they hurt.” She trembled for a moment before her legs gave way. Rory immediately jumped forward when she hit the ground, but the Doctor held a hand out toward him.

“Leave her, Rory,” he warned. “You can’t help her.”

Rory nodded and pulled Amy into his side.

River had fallen silent, but her shoulders shook as she curled into a ball. The Doctor crouched beside her, his head tilted. His concerned stare traced along her body.

“I can hear them, River,” he said quietly. “I can, I promise, and I can make them go away. You have to trust me.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. It hurts.”

“River, if you trust me, I can make it stop. Please. I don’t want them to hurt you.”

The silence lengthened. River didn’t move for a long moment, eyes squeezed shut against the swirling in her mind. The Doctor didn’t look away from her or speak. He only waited for her to react to his promise.

One of her hands, slowly, hesitantly, unwound from her curls to inch across the floor toward him. He curled his fingers around hers and offered a smile.

“Please,” she whispered. “Please, Doctor.”

He closed the remaining space between them and pulled her upright. River moaned quietly as he drew her closer.

“Doctor, what are you doing?” Amy asked.

“Shush, Amy,” he muttered.

River fell into his embrace. The Doctor held her briefly before he took her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers.

She tried to recoil when his mind touched hers, but his grip was firm.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured aloud, as she adjusted to their connection. “I know you’ve never done this before. It’ll be okay.”

She had no time to answer before the Doctor plunged further into her mind. River gasped as he pulled at the memories of Kovarian and the Silence and their taunting voices. They slipped out of her reach. The pain left her behind. Slowly, the voices faded to nothing, overpowered by the warmth of the Doctor’s consciousness. He enveloped the dark, haunting memories of her childhood and hid them within his own mind.

River gasped. It was gone. All the pain that inspired her to lift that gun against the man she loved. It was replaced by the golden swirls of the Doctor, his love and devotion laid bare for her to see. At the same time, she could feel all the horror he held back, behind the towering wall in the back of his mind. One day, she would explore behind that wall like he had explored all of her darkness. But not today.

One of her hands twisted into his hair and she opened her eyes to meet his, without breaking their link. “Thank you.”

He smiled. “Any time, dear. Don’t you dare apologise, either. I knew what was coming since you said you had a headache.”

“So it happens again?”

The Doctor scrunched his eyes shut for a moment. “Oops. Spoilers.”

River chuckled. Amy pulled her out of the Doctor’s grip and into her own arms. Both River and the Doctor winced as their minds were pulled apart, but it went unnoticed.  
Rory put his arms around both women as the Doctor rose to his feet. He sat back down at the table and grinned at River when she looked over Amy’s shoulder. When her parents finally released her, she slid onto the Doctor’s lap. As her arms wound around his waist, she pressed her face into his neck. This time, she pushed her mind against his. River smiled as he twisted their thoughts together.

“You should sleep, dear,” he whispered into her hair. “I know it’s exhausting the first time.”

“Will you be able to-“

“Stop the nightmares?” the Doctor asked gently. River nodded against his skin. “Of course, River. Just sleep.”

His arms tightened around her and she nestled further into his embrace. The Doctor began to hum the tune of some Gallifreyan song, but River couldn’t tell if it was out loud or in her mind.

Rory and Amy watched quietly as the Doctor rested his cheek against her hair. When he was certain she was asleep, he looked up at his companions.

“Explain,” Amy said immediately. “What happened to our daughter?”

“After Berlin, River tried to put the Silence and their . . . lessons behind her. That’s why she started using the name River Song and went to university. She wanted to break away from Melody Pond and the influence the Silence had on that girl. But, it seems the memories seep through.”

“So she was having flashbacks to her time with the Silence?” Rory asked.

The Doctor nodded gravely. “She went too fast. She just hid the memories, not remove them properly. They have to fight through the walls she’s created. That’s why she was in so much pain.”

Amy covered her face with her hands. “But she’s okay now, yeah?”

“Until next time.”

“Next time? Can’t you stop it from happening again?”

“I can’t, Pond. But now she knows that I can help the next time it happens. I’ve already done it for her so many times, and she never tried to kill me. It’s only because this is the first time it’s happened to her, so she didn't understand how to stop it.”

Rory put an arm around Amy’s shoulders. “What did you even do?”

The Doctor grinned. “Oh, just a basic mental link. Easy peasy with another Timelord. Her memories don’t have the effect on me that they do on her, so I just take them away.”

“So you know what happened to her?”

“More than you two do, but the memories are disjointed. Probably because of how many Silence she was exposed to as a child. There isn’t a lot left.”

“But she’s okay now,” Amy clarified.

“Yeah, she’s fine. When she wakes up and has something to eat, she’ll be great. Ready to fly off and have some adventures.”

“I don’t want to let her go if it’s going to happen again,” she said. “I don’t want her to be in pain. She’s my daughter.”

“And she’s my wife. I don’t want this for her any more than you do, Amy.” The Doctor sighed. “Especially when it’s my fault.”

“Doctor-“

“Don’t, Amy. Please. She went through all this to become a weapon to kill the Doctor. Without me, there would have been no need for Kovarian to brainwash her. You know I’m right.”

Amy reached across the table and waited for the Doctor to place his hand in hers. “Maybe you are right. I just don’t think you’re looking at this the right way. Kovarian is the one who thought it was appropriate to kidnap a baby girl and put her through all the things River had to experience, okay? Not you. You were never trying to be outright evil, so no one really needed a weapon to kill you anyway. And River loves you for some stupid reason, despite all the awful stories she was told. Quit blaming yourself, stupid.”

The Doctor forced a smile at her, but Amy saw straight through it.

“Do you ever listen to a word I say?” she muttered as she walked into the kitchen and peered into the fridge. “What did you and River eat this weekend? There’s nothing in here.”

“Not a lot,” the Doctor admitted. “We were busy.”

Rory and Amy shuddered at the same time.

“Ew, our daughter,” Amy said.

“I’ll have to go find my sword if you’re not careful,” Rory warned.

“Oh, River found that yesterday! She was looking . . . Well, I suppose it’s really not important what she was looking for.” The Doctor blushed.

Amy rolled her eyes. “Again, ew. Are you going to stay for dinner, Doctor?”

“ ’Course, Pond.” He smiled down at River’s sleeping face. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”


End file.
